„Wer wird als erster im Forum vom Schloss berichten.“
Dieser Satz auf der Eingangsseite hat mich wie ein Blitz getroffen, als ich heute Abend nach einem anstrengenden Wochenendseminar nach Hause kam. Ich betrachte ihn als eine Aufforderung, endlich das zu schreiben, den einzigsten Grund zu nennen, warum ich mich in dieses Forum eingeschaltet habe.
Es fällt mir trotzdem sehr schwer und ich vertippe mich ständig, weil ich ziemlich zittere beim Schreiben. Es stört mich nicht, wenn vielleicht 98% derer, die das Folgende lesen, mich für verrückt erklären. Ich selbst weiß, dass es wahr ist und das genügt. Wer nur ein wenig Gespür für das entwickelt hat, was Rilke den „großen Bezug“ nannte, der wird wissen, dass ich nicht lüge. Was hätte ich auch davon?
Als ich mich Anfang März im Forum unter meinem eigentlichen Vornamen registrieren lassen wollte, hieß es, dass dieser Benutzername schon belegt sei. Ich versuchte es unter meinem zweiten Vornamen, aber die Registrierung schlug wieder fehl. Erst dann wählte ich spontan „Marie“, in der Überzeugung, dass es wieder daneben geht. Aber offensichtlich war es so gewollt, dass ich unter dem Vornamen registriert werde, den ich zwischen 1855 und 1934 hatte: Marie von Thurn und Taxis-Hohenlohe.
Es begann aus heiterem Himmel im September 2000, als ich völlig unvorbereitet plötzlich spürte, dass jemand, der mir sehr nahe gewesen sein musste, verstorben war (es war kein „wissendes“ Erinnern, sondern ein in aller Intensität emotionales Wiedererleben ohne konkreten Bezug wie Namen, Ort, Datum usw.). Trotzdem bezog ich dieses überwältigende Gefühl von Trauer spontan auf eine Person, die ich seit Jahren nicht mehr gesehen hatte und mir wurde erst in diesem Moment bewusst, wie nahe mir dieser Mensch auf einer seelischen Ebene tatsächlich war. Bis zu diesem Zeitpunkt hatte ich dies nämlich hartnäckig verdrängt. Auch das war im Rückblick berechtigt, wenn ich bedenke, wie viel Schmerz mit diesen Erinnerungen verbunden ist. Ihr könnt das anhand dessen, was in Büchern nachzulesen ist, nicht nachvollziehen, vieles ist auch falsch dargestellt und durch die persönlichen „Filter“ der jeweiligen Autoren hindurch verzerrt (ich nehme mich selbst dabei nicht heraus; einiges aus meinen, nach Rilkes Tod veröffentlichten „Erinnerungen“, sehe ich heute auch in einem anderen Licht, besonders was meine eigenen damaligen Verhaltensmuster anbelangt). Der Mensch, auf den ich dieses Todesgefühl bezogen hatte, lebte aber noch, wie ich durch meine eiligen Erkundigungen (natürlich immer unter irgendwelchen Vorwänden) erfuhr. Ich war völlig verwirrt. Ich hatte schon seit längerer Zeit merkwürdige Träume, mit denen ich nichts anfangen konnte. Plötzlich tauchte immer wieder der Name Rainer Maria Rilke auf und eines morgens nach einem weiteren unerklärbaren Traum hatte ich den Impuls, sofort in die nächste Buchhandlung zu fahren, um ein Buch von Rilke zu kaufen. Ich zog eines von etwa 10 Rilke-Büchern aus dem Regal, schlug es an einer x-beliebigen Stelle auf – und fand meinen Traum als Gedicht wieder: Rosa Hortensie! Ich bekam weiche Knie und konnte keinen klaren Gedanken mehr fassen. Als ich anfing von und über Rilke zu lesen, stellte sich heraus, dass einige meiner Träume ganze Passagen aus Büchern wieder gaben u. a. aus meinen „Erinnerungen an RMR“. Ich erinnerte mich an immer mehr Details aus meinem damaligen Leben (es gibt verblüffende Parallelen zu meiner jetzigen Inkarnation z. B. habe ich als Kind schon Märchen geschrieben und illustriert – so wie damals für meine Enkel), so dass eine Verwechslung oder ein Irrtum definitiv auszuschließen waren. Ich könnte endlos Beispiele aufführen, aber mir liegt nichts daran, irgend jemandem etwas zu beweisen. Doch, ein Beispiel möchte ich euch erzählen, weil es Duino betrifft. Und da das olle Schloss jetzt dafür verantwortlich ist, dass ich nicht länger versuche, mich zu verstecken, gehört das folgende Erlebnis auch hierher:
Vor 2 Jahren hatte ich ein Telefongespräch mit einem Musikprofessor, der vor etlichen Jahren als Jurymitglied eines internationalen Musikwettbewerbs einige Tage in Schloss Duino verbracht hatte. Ich erwähnte nur zurückhaltend, dass ich zu diesem Schloss eine besondere Beziehung hätte, als es auch schon aus ihm heraussprudelte: „Waren Sie vielleicht eine der beiden Damen, die mich nachts in meinem Zimmer besucht hatten?“ Ich musste spontan lachen. Diese Frage stellt man üblicherweise nicht einer wildfremden Frau, mit der man noch nie vorher ein Wort gewechselt hatte! Zudem konnte er ja nicht ahnen, dass ich sofort wusste, dass er von meinen damaligen Tanten, Raimondine und Polyxène Thurn, deren geisterhafte Gegenwart auch Rilke während seiner Aufenthalte in unserem Schloss oft wahrgenommen hatte, sprach. Erklärend fügt er dann auch schnell hinzu, dass es sich um zwei Geisterdamen gehandelt habe und er absolut sicher gewesen sei, das Fenster abends geschlossen zu haben, aber am Morgen habe es offen gestanden.
Um die Eindrücke zu verdauen, zog ich mich an diesem Abend alleine zurück. Ich hatte mich noch nicht richtig auf meiner Yogamatte hin gesetzt, als ich sofort Duino vor Augen hatte und sah, dass aus allen Fenstern (und das sind viele!) Hunderte von weißen Tauben aufstiegen. Ich wusste sofort, dass jede Taube eine meiner dort „gefangenen“ Erinnerungen symbolisierte. Diese Vision hatte eine sehr befreiende Wirkung und ich konnte Duino endlich loslassen. Aber das war noch nicht alles... Im nächsten Moment sah ich eine weiße Lichtsäule über dem Schloss und mir war intuitiv klar, dass es nun meine Aufgabe war, auch meine Tanten aus Schloss und Geisterdasein zu befreien. Ich spürte, wie die Erste ohne zu zögern auf meine Bitte in das Licht ging und nach „oben“ gezogen wurde. Etwas skeptisch fragte ich mich, ob ich vielleicht doch spinne und sagte laut: „Bist du wirklich oben angekommen?“ Daraufhin klopfte es zweimal laut und deutlich, ohne dass ich hätte lokalisieren können, von woher das Klopfen kam. Exakt das gleiche wiederholte sich mit der zweiten Tante.
Vor etwa zwölf Jahren sah ich in einem Traum den Mann, den ich jetzt zuerst mit der Todeserinnerung in Verbindung gebracht hatte. Er übergab mir einen Schlüsselbund mit der Bitte, etwas Vergessenes für ihn zu holen und verabschiedete sich (kurz später verloren wir uns übrigens tatsächlich für viele Jahre aus den Augen) Ich fand mit Hilfe der Schlüssel ein Kästchen mit Photos von einem Mann, der alleine in der Wüste stand. Direkt hinter ihm war ein Fluss – doch er war offensichtlich nicht in der Lage sich umzudrehen, um trinken zu können (Rilke hatte, wie ich erst kürzlich las, in einem Brief von der „Wüstenklarheit des Todesbewusstseins“ gesprochen!) Ich wusste damals nicht, dass es sich bei dem Mann auf den Photos im Traum um Rilke handelte (das weiß ich erst seit ich mich wieder erinnern kann und Bilder von Rilke in Biographien gesehen hatte). Er sah anders aus als heute, aber im Traum wusste ich trotzdem sicher, dass er identisch ist mit dem Menschen, den ich in diesem Leben kenne.
Nachdem ich die Bedeutung dieses Traums verstanden hatte, nahm ich brieflich wieder Kontakt auf, um mein Traumversprechen nach so langer Zeit endlich einzulösen und ihn zu erinnern, wer er war. Doch ich stieß auf eine undurchdringliche Mauer, die durch zahlreiche Fehler, die mir bei meinen immer verzweifelteren Versuchen, mich verständlich zu machen, unterliefen, nur noch dicker wurde. Ich fuhr schließlich zu ihm, um im direkten Kontakt eine Klärung herbeizuführen. Ohne es zu wissen, fuhren wir, von unterschiedlichen Stationen zusteigend, im selben Zug (mit dem er sonst nicht fährt, wie er mir später mitteilte), trafen uns aber weder im Zug noch am Bahnhof. Wir gingen am Zielort unterschiedliche Wege, ich ins Hotel, er vermutlich in seine Wohnung und trafen in der selben Minute an seinem Arbeitsplatz ein. Selbst bei genauest geplanter Terminabsprache, hätte man das so synchron sicher nicht hingekriegt! Aber der Mann, dem ich dort begegnete, wollte und konnte diesen Wink des Schicksals nicht erkennen. Alles um ihn herum war düster und er selbst kam mir vor wie das Licht schluckende Zentrum eines schwarzen Lochs. Erst später verstand ich, was sich abgespielt hatte: ich hatte weder den Mann, den ich noch vor 10 Jahren kannte, noch Rilke angetroffen. Die Person, die mir am Tisch halb abgewandt gegenüber saß, war nur ein Teil seiner Selbst, der „verlorene Sohn“, Malte, der unweigerlich auf den Tod zusteuerte und keine andere Perspektive mehr als möglichen Ausweg annehmen wollte. Vielleicht habe ich auch nicht das Recht gehabt, das von ihm zu erwarten. Vielleicht muss er seinen zurückgelassenen Seelenanteil bis zur letzten Konsequenz wieder integrieren, um – vielleicht – erst im Tod wieder ganz sein zu können...
Ich habe in den letzten zwei ein halb Jahren soviel Kraft in diese Aufgabe gesteckt, wollte unbedingt mein Versprechen halten, dass ich selbst schwer krank wurde. Erst jetzt, als ich sogar seinem möglichen Tod, den er einerseits herbei sehnt (und redet) und der ihm andererseits Angst macht, ins Auge schauen kann, ihn wirklich loslassen kann (was ich damals nicht geschafft hatte, ich flüchtete stattdessen in eine degenerative Krankheit, durch die ich letztendlich alle schmerzvollen Erinnerungen an Rilke auslöschen konnte und an der ich auch starb), taucht langsam wieder ein Lichtstreifen am Horizont auf. Ganz habe ich noch nicht aufgegeben, ich lasse der winzig kleinen Möglichkeit in meinem Herzen noch Raum, dass er alles Unerlöste (und das betrifft bei Weitem nicht nur seine Rilke-Inkarnation! Einige seiner Gedichte sind Erinnerungen an vergangene Leben mit ebenfalls tragischem Inhalt wie z. B. „Die Geschwister“ – eine wahrscheinlich unbewusste Erinnerung an Ereignisse vor 500 Jahren) noch im Leben erlösen kann. Aber wahrscheinlich mache ich mir da etwas vor und akzeptiere den Tod immer noch nicht vollkommen als „die andere Seite“ des Lebens.
Die Beiträge im Forum und der Austausch mit einigen von euch, hat viel dazu beigetragen, dass ich über mich selbst vieles erkannt habe und reflektieren konnte, so wie neue Muster entwickelt habe, die es möglich machen, den Todesautomatismus zu unterbrechen (ich hatte noch innerlich die Programmierung: „Sobald er stirbt, kann ich auch nicht mehr lange bleiben“, die über viele Inkarnationen geprägt wurde) Dafür bedanke ich mich ganz herzlich bei euch. Früher oder später werde ich sicher auch „Marie“ endlich sterben lassen können, damit ich wieder ganz im Jetzt ankommen kann. Ob ich dann weiterhin ins Forum komme, weiß ich noch nicht.
Ich wünsche euch alles Liebe
Duino
Sein oder Nichtsein
To be or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 't is nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die : to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 't is a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ...
Sein oder Nichtsein, das ist hier die Frage:
Obs edler im Gemüt, die Pfeil' und Schleudern
Des wütenden Geschicks erdulden oder,
Sich waffnend gegen eine See von Plagen,
Durch Widerstand sie enden. Sterben - schlafen -
Nichts weiter! - und zu wissen, daß ein Schlaf
Das Herzweh und die tausend Stöße endet,
Die unseres Fleisches Erbteil - 's ist ein Ziel,
Auf innigste zu wünschen. Sterben - schlafen -
Schlafen! Vielleicht auch träumen! ...
Liebe Marie,
Wer du auch seist ...,
Deinen langen Beitrag (Konfession?) habe ich mit Anteilnahme gelesen. Es sind zwar für mich darin viele Fragen offen; vieles ist darin, was ich nicht verstehe. Aber mit dem berühmten Shakespeare-Zitat (Deutsch in der Schlegelschen Übersetzung) möchte ich Dir Mut machen auf Deinem Weg, zu Dir selbst zu finden. (Klingt abgegriffen, ich weiß, aber ich hoffe, Du verstehst, was ich meine).
"Take arms against a sea of troubles!"
Du wirst uns hier fehlen im Forum. Ich hoffe, Du kommst wieder.
Alles Gute!
Whether 't is nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die : to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 't is a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ...
Sein oder Nichtsein, das ist hier die Frage:
Obs edler im Gemüt, die Pfeil' und Schleudern
Des wütenden Geschicks erdulden oder,
Sich waffnend gegen eine See von Plagen,
Durch Widerstand sie enden. Sterben - schlafen -
Nichts weiter! - und zu wissen, daß ein Schlaf
Das Herzweh und die tausend Stöße endet,
Die unseres Fleisches Erbteil - 's ist ein Ziel,
Auf innigste zu wünschen. Sterben - schlafen -
Schlafen! Vielleicht auch träumen! ...
Liebe Marie,
Wer du auch seist ...,
Deinen langen Beitrag (Konfession?) habe ich mit Anteilnahme gelesen. Es sind zwar für mich darin viele Fragen offen; vieles ist darin, was ich nicht verstehe. Aber mit dem berühmten Shakespeare-Zitat (Deutsch in der Schlegelschen Übersetzung) möchte ich Dir Mut machen auf Deinem Weg, zu Dir selbst zu finden. (Klingt abgegriffen, ich weiß, aber ich hoffe, Du verstehst, was ich meine).
"Take arms against a sea of troubles!"
Du wirst uns hier fehlen im Forum. Ich hoffe, Du kommst wieder.
Alles Gute!
Ich hab' auch Verstand.©
gez. Volker™
gez. Volker™
Duino
Liebe Marie,
Needless to say, I’m not sure I completely understood what you were saying (because of my problems with German), but what I was able to understand is very interesting, and I certainly wouldn’t rule out that something like that is possible. I have to admit it gave me chills as I read it. Because you have so openly poured out your heart to us, let me share with you words that I wrote just last night after reading Rilke’s “Bestürz mich, Musik” - words that I am sure I would not otherwise have shared with you!
How many women since your passing (upon reading your words) have, like myself, thought that they might well have been your “never arrived” soulmate - trapped in the wrong lifetime? How many have wished for and would have given all for the chance to find out? Still, could anyone have penetrated those guards around your heart, my dear Rilke? (Aber wie gerne hätte ich es versucht!) Could we yet still, perhaps, meet in another realm of life or existence? Oh, that there were some way to magically transcend the barriers of time! How my heart yearns . . .
(So now, Volker, you can think we are both crazy!!) Sounds silly, I know, but it’s easy to think that way when you admire someone’s work as much as I admire Rilke’s. I will tell you something else. During the time I lived in Germany, I loved it so much, that I often had the feeling that I must have lived there in another life, not that I really believed that with my Christian background, but it was just a feeling I sometimes had.
I must say that I am very disappointed and sad if I understood correctly that you won’t be in the forum anymore – I was just so excited about my two new friends (you and Volker!). I can’t tell you how much I will miss the “flowers” you always brought! Please feel free to write me using a private message any time. I would love to hear from you again and sincerely hope that this isn’t really the last I will hear from you.
Liebe Grüße,
Linda
Needless to say, I’m not sure I completely understood what you were saying (because of my problems with German), but what I was able to understand is very interesting, and I certainly wouldn’t rule out that something like that is possible. I have to admit it gave me chills as I read it. Because you have so openly poured out your heart to us, let me share with you words that I wrote just last night after reading Rilke’s “Bestürz mich, Musik” - words that I am sure I would not otherwise have shared with you!
How many women since your passing (upon reading your words) have, like myself, thought that they might well have been your “never arrived” soulmate - trapped in the wrong lifetime? How many have wished for and would have given all for the chance to find out? Still, could anyone have penetrated those guards around your heart, my dear Rilke? (Aber wie gerne hätte ich es versucht!) Could we yet still, perhaps, meet in another realm of life or existence? Oh, that there were some way to magically transcend the barriers of time! How my heart yearns . . .
(So now, Volker, you can think we are both crazy!!) Sounds silly, I know, but it’s easy to think that way when you admire someone’s work as much as I admire Rilke’s. I will tell you something else. During the time I lived in Germany, I loved it so much, that I often had the feeling that I must have lived there in another life, not that I really believed that with my Christian background, but it was just a feeling I sometimes had.
I must say that I am very disappointed and sad if I understood correctly that you won’t be in the forum anymore – I was just so excited about my two new friends (you and Volker!). I can’t tell you how much I will miss the “flowers” you always brought! Please feel free to write me using a private message any time. I would love to hear from you again and sincerely hope that this isn’t really the last I will hear from you.
Liebe Grüße,
Linda
Liebe Linda, lieber Volker,
I’m very thankful for the open-minded and open-hearted reaction of both of you. It was more then I have expected. I decided to stay in the Forum, because it doesn’t feel authentic to leave now. Playing a pathetic role like the legendary “sterbender Schwan” would mean that I’m still captured in the old schemes (I wasn’t Eleonora Duse!). In a way I also feel responsible and have to face the questions I probably caused with my confession. Also I finally feel strong enough to deal with any negative or even aggressive comments on it. I would never give responses to questions concerning the present identity of any person I remembered as long as there isn’t an explicitly agreement given by them (which isn’t the case!) – needless to try it!
A further reason for telling you about my memories that were so deeply experienced with every heartbeat and have remained throughout my very critical analysis that for me there is no doubt about it anymore, was the increasing wish to be absolutely honest in everything I do. To give an answer to a topic including a quotation of Marie Taxis you, Linda, posted a while ago, without telling the truth, has caused a bad feeling of being cowardly and isn’t acceptable anymore. I’m very much touched by the words you dared to write, Linda. I was already convinced that you knew Rilke without knowing anything more detailed about it. It’s a certain vibration between the lines when you write about him that is an indicator for another concerned person like me. As I said, I always try to keep promises I’ve made (even though I sometimes make things worse with this attitude as I fear when I think about the “present Rilke”), so I have begun writing the topic “Rilke and the death” yesterday in English. I hope it will be a help to you, because I can feel the suffering behind your enthusiasm. Also I’ve given a promise to Nina to post some photos of my roses that for years surprise me with a sudden blooming on my birthday which was yesterday!
There are many things that have to “die” now – but not all of them! I won’t sign with “M.” anymore – maybe just with one of the “smilies”. While I’m struggling to let the stubborn old Lady die, who wasn’t able to face Rilke’s death for almost 77 years (!) I’m trying to bring back to live my sense of humour and other helpful abilities that are really worth to survive without using them to hide the grief that still in quiet hours overcomes myself ( more in regard to the helpless situation I got into with Rilke’s present incarnation)
Liebe Grüße an euch beide und alle, die sich ebenfalls angesprochen fühlen.
[/i]
I’m very thankful for the open-minded and open-hearted reaction of both of you. It was more then I have expected. I decided to stay in the Forum, because it doesn’t feel authentic to leave now. Playing a pathetic role like the legendary “sterbender Schwan” would mean that I’m still captured in the old schemes (I wasn’t Eleonora Duse!). In a way I also feel responsible and have to face the questions I probably caused with my confession. Also I finally feel strong enough to deal with any negative or even aggressive comments on it. I would never give responses to questions concerning the present identity of any person I remembered as long as there isn’t an explicitly agreement given by them (which isn’t the case!) – needless to try it!
A further reason for telling you about my memories that were so deeply experienced with every heartbeat and have remained throughout my very critical analysis that for me there is no doubt about it anymore, was the increasing wish to be absolutely honest in everything I do. To give an answer to a topic including a quotation of Marie Taxis you, Linda, posted a while ago, without telling the truth, has caused a bad feeling of being cowardly and isn’t acceptable anymore. I’m very much touched by the words you dared to write, Linda. I was already convinced that you knew Rilke without knowing anything more detailed about it. It’s a certain vibration between the lines when you write about him that is an indicator for another concerned person like me. As I said, I always try to keep promises I’ve made (even though I sometimes make things worse with this attitude as I fear when I think about the “present Rilke”), so I have begun writing the topic “Rilke and the death” yesterday in English. I hope it will be a help to you, because I can feel the suffering behind your enthusiasm. Also I’ve given a promise to Nina to post some photos of my roses that for years surprise me with a sudden blooming on my birthday which was yesterday!
There are many things that have to “die” now – but not all of them! I won’t sign with “M.” anymore – maybe just with one of the “smilies”. While I’m struggling to let the stubborn old Lady die, who wasn’t able to face Rilke’s death for almost 77 years (!) I’m trying to bring back to live my sense of humour and other helpful abilities that are really worth to survive without using them to hide the grief that still in quiet hours overcomes myself ( more in regard to the helpless situation I got into with Rilke’s present incarnation)
Liebe Grüße an euch beide und alle, die sich ebenfalls angesprochen fühlen.
[/i]Was du geschrieben has, Volker, kam übrigens absolut "richtig" bei mir an. Vielen Dank auch für das Shakespeare-Zitat! Was immer unklar geblieben ist -du kannst gerne fragen (bis auf die eine Einschränkung, die ich in meiner Antwort gerade eben machte). Mir ist nur an ehrlichen Meinungen etwas gelegen, auf Höflichkeiten lege ich keinen Wert! (Ein "giftgrüner Anti- Smilie" von dir ist mir immer noch lieber als ein Eimer voll Honig ums Maul von irgend jemandem, der sich nur beteiligen möchte, weil das alles zugegebenermaßen etwas sensationsträchtig wirkt!)
Liebe Grüße
Liebe Grüße
Hello, my friend, the former Marie (I don’t know how to address you now!)
I am both happy and relieved to read that you will indeed still be in the forum!
Today I will attempt to read again what you wrote and struggle to understand it (looking up a whole lot of words would help!) I think I didn’t understand what you wrote very well because I didn’t pick up on the part about Rilke’s incarnation or I didn’t understand that is what you meant. I must say, if you have indeed met Rilke’s incarnation, I certainly envy you! Perhaps now that you are ready to move on, you could send him my way!! (only joking – I think!)
I must read about Marie von Thurn und Taxis-Hohenlohe, as I know nothing at all about her or her relationship with Rilke. In fact, I had thought this title was referring to two different people! I know I probably shouldn’t be saying any of this since you wish to lay these things to rest and to put it all in the past, but you have stirred my interest, and of course I would have been interested to know anything you wanted to share about your ongoing experience. Coming from my Christian background (but struggling with many doubts), I don’t think I have ever really and truly believed in reincarnation, but I am very open-minded and seldom ever rule anything out, so I would love to be convinced by someone’s experience that reincarnation is in fact a reality!!
I can’t help but think that perhaps part of the reason you have shared your experience is because you can sense how drawn I am to Rilke, and your words, “I can feel the suffering behind your enthusiasm” were very intuitive. Though I feel I have only touched the tip of the iceberg in my studies of Rilke and his poetry, one can’t help but feel they have come to know him in a sense when they have collected and typed as many of his poems as I have (more than 200). I am now working on putting them together with pictures. And there are yet so many others to be read and added to my “personal” collection. There is something in most of the ones I have “collected” that speak to me on a deeper level that I can’t explain. No matter how much I read from him, there is always the sense that I am only scraping the surface, and that there is so much more of a deeper meaning behind all of his words - that there is so much more to know.
I think I have pretty much all of his works now - the problem is finding the time to read it all now. This will be a slow process since I must translate so much, and I think I am going to take time to review my German books before I go any further in trying to translate. It has been 9 years since I lived in Germany, and unfortunately I have forgotten so much of my German to my regret, even the basic grammar is slowly fading.
I believe you mentioned that you also have Ralph Freedman’s biography. If you are at all familiar with this book, perhaps you could point me in the right direction and recommend to me a few pages where I might learn more about Marie von Thurn und Taxis-Hohenlohe (there are so many listings in the index, it would take me forever to look them all up.)
Looking forward to your new posting and the pictures of the roses!
Linda
I am both happy and relieved to read that you will indeed still be in the forum!
Today I will attempt to read again what you wrote and struggle to understand it (looking up a whole lot of words would help!) I think I didn’t understand what you wrote very well because I didn’t pick up on the part about Rilke’s incarnation or I didn’t understand that is what you meant. I must say, if you have indeed met Rilke’s incarnation, I certainly envy you! Perhaps now that you are ready to move on, you could send him my way!! (only joking – I think!)
I must read about Marie von Thurn und Taxis-Hohenlohe, as I know nothing at all about her or her relationship with Rilke. In fact, I had thought this title was referring to two different people! I know I probably shouldn’t be saying any of this since you wish to lay these things to rest and to put it all in the past, but you have stirred my interest, and of course I would have been interested to know anything you wanted to share about your ongoing experience. Coming from my Christian background (but struggling with many doubts), I don’t think I have ever really and truly believed in reincarnation, but I am very open-minded and seldom ever rule anything out, so I would love to be convinced by someone’s experience that reincarnation is in fact a reality!!
I can’t help but think that perhaps part of the reason you have shared your experience is because you can sense how drawn I am to Rilke, and your words, “I can feel the suffering behind your enthusiasm” were very intuitive. Though I feel I have only touched the tip of the iceberg in my studies of Rilke and his poetry, one can’t help but feel they have come to know him in a sense when they have collected and typed as many of his poems as I have (more than 200). I am now working on putting them together with pictures. And there are yet so many others to be read and added to my “personal” collection. There is something in most of the ones I have “collected” that speak to me on a deeper level that I can’t explain. No matter how much I read from him, there is always the sense that I am only scraping the surface, and that there is so much more of a deeper meaning behind all of his words - that there is so much more to know.
I think I have pretty much all of his works now - the problem is finding the time to read it all now. This will be a slow process since I must translate so much, and I think I am going to take time to review my German books before I go any further in trying to translate. It has been 9 years since I lived in Germany, and unfortunately I have forgotten so much of my German to my regret, even the basic grammar is slowly fading.
I believe you mentioned that you also have Ralph Freedman’s biography. If you are at all familiar with this book, perhaps you could point me in the right direction and recommend to me a few pages where I might learn more about Marie von Thurn und Taxis-Hohenlohe (there are so many listings in the index, it would take me forever to look them all up.)
Looking forward to your new posting and the pictures of the roses!
Linda
Rilke-links
Hi Linda,
here are some links to Rilke and Duino.
(Wow, a lot of stuff to read!)
http://wings.buffalo.edu/epc/authors/pe ... rilke.html
http://www.rilkeproject.net/why_rilke.htm
http://www.biblion.com/litweb/biogs/ril ... maria.html
http://art-bin.com/art/oduinocontents.html
http://www.theage.com.au/text/articles/ ... 218767.htm
http://bostonreview.mit.edu/BR25.3/krauss.html
here are some links to Rilke and Duino.
(Wow, a lot of stuff to read!)
http://wings.buffalo.edu/epc/authors/pe ... rilke.html
http://www.rilkeproject.net/why_rilke.htm
http://www.biblion.com/litweb/biogs/ril ... maria.html
http://art-bin.com/art/oduinocontents.html
http://www.theage.com.au/text/articles/ ... 218767.htm
http://bostonreview.mit.edu/BR25.3/krauss.html
Ich hab' auch Verstand.©
gez. Volker™
gez. Volker™
Liebe Linda,
at first it’s very important for me to say that I have no intention to make others believe in my convictions! I’m not a missionary! Try to find out yourself what is missing in your life and continue looking for explanations that produce a resonance in your soul – and if the sound is fading you are free to change your attitudes any time. Rilke often talked about reincarnation to me, but I’m sure he was already wise enough to know that it is just one explanation, one construction which is valuable as long as you are thinking of time in terms of beginning and ending, past, present and future. There are many more options (like parallel realities or spiral evolution or eternal circles), just depending on the cultural background or personal awareness.
Secondly, the biographies I have read are sometimes misleading as far as Rilke’s relationships are concerned. In regard to the friendship between him and me you will often find a subliminal tone of reservation: whether Rilke is the one boosting his ego by clinging to members of the upper society (particularly the aristocracy) or Marie Taxis as the motherly friend who comforts when he has suffered from lovesickness or has lost confidence in his poetry – if necessary by scolding him. But that was just the surface. If you are really interested in the soul-relationship you should read the letters (literally and between the lines), memories of the persons who knew him and look at the poetic results of his friendships! His poetry is reliably indicating the true depth of a feeling (if you are able to leave the enthusiastic and romantic tone behind and get into the basic power of a poem you'll become aware of the differential "quality" of the poems. I know that this is a little too simple and doesn't involve his own projections, errors and wishes, but, nevertheless, it's just a tool to work with). You have to compare those results to get a feeling for the connections between his work and the persons he knew (even though he often got beyond the persons into the "open") Rilke was very sensitive to any impulses of nature, things and, of course, persons. Somehow anyone who crossed his way signed his/her name in his poems. He was more like a spiritualist medium, not writing by using his own power but by receiving the energy of anything surrounding him. The dedication he has written at the beginning of the Duineser Elegien had been felt very deeply by him as he wrote in a letter. I didn’t realize the true meaning of this dedication 80 years ago. It occurred all of a sudden in a vision two years ago. There is a mysterious connection between the Elegies and myself which I still can’t describe. In some dreams I even got into the Elegies walking through the land of grief. Any time I wanted to lay down and just die because I got to much into the suction of this irritating landscape there was a voice whispering: “Stand up and go forward!” – Rilke? An angel? I don’t know.
There is much more to say, but I’m too tired now. I’ll continue with explanations and maybe some quotations as soon as possible.
Liebe Grüße
at first it’s very important for me to say that I have no intention to make others believe in my convictions! I’m not a missionary! Try to find out yourself what is missing in your life and continue looking for explanations that produce a resonance in your soul – and if the sound is fading you are free to change your attitudes any time. Rilke often talked about reincarnation to me, but I’m sure he was already wise enough to know that it is just one explanation, one construction which is valuable as long as you are thinking of time in terms of beginning and ending, past, present and future. There are many more options (like parallel realities or spiral evolution or eternal circles), just depending on the cultural background or personal awareness.
Secondly, the biographies I have read are sometimes misleading as far as Rilke’s relationships are concerned. In regard to the friendship between him and me you will often find a subliminal tone of reservation: whether Rilke is the one boosting his ego by clinging to members of the upper society (particularly the aristocracy) or Marie Taxis as the motherly friend who comforts when he has suffered from lovesickness or has lost confidence in his poetry – if necessary by scolding him. But that was just the surface. If you are really interested in the soul-relationship you should read the letters (literally and between the lines), memories of the persons who knew him and look at the poetic results of his friendships! His poetry is reliably indicating the true depth of a feeling (if you are able to leave the enthusiastic and romantic tone behind and get into the basic power of a poem you'll become aware of the differential "quality" of the poems. I know that this is a little too simple and doesn't involve his own projections, errors and wishes, but, nevertheless, it's just a tool to work with). You have to compare those results to get a feeling for the connections between his work and the persons he knew (even though he often got beyond the persons into the "open") Rilke was very sensitive to any impulses of nature, things and, of course, persons. Somehow anyone who crossed his way signed his/her name in his poems. He was more like a spiritualist medium, not writing by using his own power but by receiving the energy of anything surrounding him. The dedication he has written at the beginning of the Duineser Elegien had been felt very deeply by him as he wrote in a letter. I didn’t realize the true meaning of this dedication 80 years ago. It occurred all of a sudden in a vision two years ago. There is a mysterious connection between the Elegies and myself which I still can’t describe. In some dreams I even got into the Elegies walking through the land of grief. Any time I wanted to lay down and just die because I got to much into the suction of this irritating landscape there was a voice whispering: “Stand up and go forward!” – Rilke? An angel? I don’t know.
There is much more to say, but I’m too tired now. I’ll continue with explanations and maybe some quotations as soon as possible.
Liebe Grüße
Hello again, "mystery" woman! As I mentioned, I don't know how to address you now. I will still think of you as Marie until you let me know how you would like for me to refer to you.
I know you are not trying to convince me or anyone else for that matter to believe in your convictions or in reincaration, and I didn't mean what I wrote that way. I just meant -- what could be more convincing than actually talking to someone who has experienced these things?
As for what you said about finding out what is missing in my own life, I know all too well what is missing. I just don’t know the answer to the problem. Meanwhile, as I wander through this labyrinth, I try to practice Rilke’s advice and to be patient towards all the unsolved issues in my heart, to love the questions themselves like locked rooms you can’t go into, like books that are written in a very foreign language that you can’t understand. I try not to seek the answers but instead to live the questions, in hopes that as he says, gradually, without even noticing it, perhaps some distant day I will live my way into the answer! I try to be patient like a ripening tree, which doesn't force it's sap, but stands confidently in the storms of the spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come, but only to those who are patient and so unconcerned as if eternity lay before them, silent and vast. I remember when I first read those words by Rilke years ago, I immediately had the feeling that I had just found the answer I had always been looking for.
What you wrote is very interesting, and I will look forward to hearing more.
Liebe Grüße,
Linda
I know you are not trying to convince me or anyone else for that matter to believe in your convictions or in reincaration, and I didn't mean what I wrote that way. I just meant -- what could be more convincing than actually talking to someone who has experienced these things?
As for what you said about finding out what is missing in my own life, I know all too well what is missing. I just don’t know the answer to the problem. Meanwhile, as I wander through this labyrinth, I try to practice Rilke’s advice and to be patient towards all the unsolved issues in my heart, to love the questions themselves like locked rooms you can’t go into, like books that are written in a very foreign language that you can’t understand. I try not to seek the answers but instead to live the questions, in hopes that as he says, gradually, without even noticing it, perhaps some distant day I will live my way into the answer! I try to be patient like a ripening tree, which doesn't force it's sap, but stands confidently in the storms of the spring, not afraid that afterward summer may not come. It does come, but only to those who are patient and so unconcerned as if eternity lay before them, silent and vast. I remember when I first read those words by Rilke years ago, I immediately had the feeling that I had just found the answer I had always been looking for.
What you wrote is very interesting, and I will look forward to hearing more.
Liebe Grüße,
Linda
Linda, you can use the name "Marie" if you want to. It's strange, but since the memories have begun, reaching back thousands of years (just single pictures out of one time or another), I'm searching for my real name. To a psychologist this must sound a bit schizophrenic, I know, but the induvidualistic border lines slowly disappear and this is quite confusing.
Liebe Grüße:roll:
Liebe Grüße:roll:
Hi Linda,
I would like to combine the photos I took today with some poems and quotations and then post it under the "Rose, oh reiner Widerspruch" topic as Nina has requested. I'm still patiently waiting for the blooming of a few old roses, like the famous "Gloire de Dijon" which is also mentioned by Rilke in a letter. So I have to let the roses make the decision when they want to come to the Forum!
Liebe Grüße
I would like to combine the photos I took today with some poems and quotations and then post it under the "Rose, oh reiner Widerspruch" topic as Nina has requested. I'm still patiently waiting for the blooming of a few old roses, like the famous "Gloire de Dijon" which is also mentioned by Rilke in a letter. So I have to let the roses make the decision when they want to come to the Forum!
Liebe Grüße
-
Franziska
mediales Schreiben
Hallo,
weiss es hier zufällig jemand, was man unter medialem Schreiben versteht, wie Rilke es in Duino erlebte ? Hat Rilke selbst medial geschrieben - die "Duineser Elegien" ?
Viele Grüße von Franziska
weiss es hier zufällig jemand, was man unter medialem Schreiben versteht, wie Rilke es in Duino erlebte ? Hat Rilke selbst medial geschrieben - die "Duineser Elegien" ?
Viele Grüße von Franziska